My mother, when she was younger, would simply use mild soap and water to clean her face, and then apply a cold cream at night. That was pretty much her beauty regimen. But some women now resort to whatever procedure is trending, getting injections here and there, and fillers here and there, all in the name of beauty. Sounds like a recipe for disaster?
Well, it’s not at all new? Women of long time ago did so many horrific things that you cannot even imagine what came to their minds. You’ll be like, “What were you thinking, people?” and “That’s just a whole new level of cray!”
Funny, but the search for beauty really follows the adage, “No pain, no gain.” But now, here are some #epicbeautyfails.
Corsets: strap ‘em on, right
“Corsets? But that’s classy, elegant even.” So, you strap ‘em on, tighten them with those ribbons while you hold your breath, right? But try wearing a corset for a whole day, do your usual things (like, walking on the promenade, socializing with the ladies, having afternoon tea, whatever), and see what happens. You may look good effortlessly–full figure, slim waist, bigger bosoms–but the fact is, you can hardly breathe. As in, there’s no air that’s getting into your lungs. So, pretty darn easy, yes?
Lead in your face powder and radioactive cosmetics
These are so wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know how to begin explaining why. I guess the past centuries were tough times for beauty experts. Or maybe it was they were at the height of experimentation that they thought lead + radioactive materials were excellent recipes for beauty. Not good, okay? I mean, you can actually DIE from those–slowly (and beautifully), but surely.
The Beauty Calibrator
Here I was, thinking that people from the 1930s knew better than radioactive chemicals, but they just didn’t. Introducing, the Beauty Calibrator: a device that can actually help cosmetologists measure the improvements needed to be done on your face. Well, isn’t that just wonderful? I mean, just look at it. Magnificent piece of metal, right?
This beauty secret can be more appropriately called Deadly Nightshade because it works by dropping this poisonous substance in your eyes. What? Yes, you read it right. Dropping Belladona will make your pupils pretty and dilated. Who doesn’t like that extra oomph after all? Don’t worry, though, because overdosage won’t always kill you. Sometimes, it will just make you blind.
Nightingale Dropping Facial
Have you ever thought of putting bird excrement on your face? Gross, right? And yet, these poor ladies had no freakin’ idea. Must have been hard coming up with a facial treatment at the time so why not try nightingale poop? But still, kudos to the first Japanese geishas and kabuki actors who tried this. It all worked out in the end. Don’t judge, since London and Hawaii now have high-end spas with this bird poop facial that cost around $150. Seems legit.
Ah, the pain of beauty. Ah, the price of being, um, drop dead gorgeous.